I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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