I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
