There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
