I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
