??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize