i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
