Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i love accidental penises.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
