It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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