he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
