If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
