but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
