was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
