Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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