Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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