I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
