you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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