didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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