he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
