I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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