Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
