I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
