Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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