i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
