she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
