my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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