is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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