Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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