Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
