So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
