apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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