did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
