Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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