What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
