corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
