he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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