As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
