the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
