I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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