is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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