I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
