My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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