Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
