My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
