evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
