No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
