Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
