Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
