I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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