he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
