I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
